Asking for help is an important aspect of personal growth. Everyone faces challenges at some point in their life. One of the purposes for developing human connections, and relationships is to help and support each other through our collective life journey.

To strive for total independence is to strive for isolation. Too often we tout autonomy as this extraordinary thing to strive for, but it’s not reasonable or even attractive to achieve it; that’s not how we are wired as human beings.

As people we are wired to be in relationship with other individuals. Going against this is like being opposed to nature. The goal is to develop solid inter-depended relationships.

“Requesting help exhibits vulnerability, maturity, trust and fosters intimacy.”

Asking for help shows a level of self-awareness to our limitations, and a commitment to our growth. Rather than thinking of asking for help as a sign of weakness, see it for what it is – a commitment to growing. Yet, asking for help is also the ultimate form of giving. Helping someone is a privilege, and an opportunity to experience sharing, and being useful; it is a source of joy for the giver.

“When we ask someone for help, we are giving someone the ultimate gift. The gift of allowing them to experience the bliss of being useful and sharing their wisdom and knowledge.”

What Holds People Back

The reason why many people hold back from asking for help is fear. They think they will be dismissed or told “no”.

Being told “no” doesn’t need to be dreadful. We don’t need to create a negative story in our mind about it and make it about us.

It might be that the individual we decided to ask for help, didn’t have the resources to help us. It’s ideal to acknowledge the “no” as simply the outcome to our solicitation, not a nullification of ourselves. A “no” lets us know not to burn through any more time and energy asking this specific individual, and aides us closer to somebody who will say “yes.”

Some compare being open to help, as being powerless, yet requesting help takes mindfulness and boldness. It’s essential to know where our qualities lie and where they don’t. 

“When someone denies helping you, it’s a poor reflection on them, not on you for being vulnerable and mature enough to ask.”

Be Sure, Be Precise

One of the primary traps that individuals fall into when they approach the Universe for something is that they are not 100% sure what they need and why.

They make statements like ‘I need to be rich’ or ‘I need to discover love’, yet until you iron out those thoughts, they are not getting down to business as powerful demands.

Give your emotions a chance to direct you in choosing what it is you need. I can request to win the lottery, yet I don’t generally comprehend without a doubt how that would improve my life. Be specific with why you want something. Know the purpose behind what you are asking for. Maybe you want to win the lottery so you can start a charity to help the homeless learn new skills and give them a second chance at life? You’ll have a better shot asking wealthy people to fund such an initiative. Know why you are asking for help, and who to ask.

“Know the purpose for your need for help and who to ask. Both have to align to receive the support you need.”

Make it a Practice

Most serious issues need a network of individuals to solve them. People must be open to requesting help. There are such a large number of fields, and a lot of information out there for anybody to know everything.

Individuals are ready to offer help whenever requested. You need to vocalize your needs. In the event that you can do that, you’ll see the distinction in your initiative.

People are inclined to need to assist those who’ve tried to help themselves. Let the person you want the help from know what you’ve tried so far. You are more likely to get help if you can show a personal commitment towards the goal you need help with, by sharing the efforts you’ve already made.

It’s no fun for the giver when you help someone and they don’t follow through. After you receive the help, be sure to act on the help or recommendations offered.

“The surest way to receive help is to practice gratitude. That’s shown in your actions and willingness to put the help offered into practice.”

The Benefits of Asking for Help

When you ask for help, you gain the capacity to push ahead. As opposed to staying “stuck,” you can learn how to move forward. 

Can you remember a time when you hesitated to ask for help? 

Odds are you felt a specific level of pressure related to the challenge you were in. 

You weren’t being as productive as you needed to be. You may have felt silly in not being certain about what steps to take next. Not trusting you could request help, may have powered side effects of nervousness. That is, until you requested the help and discovered how much time you wasted being in your head about things that could have been resolved by practicing a little bit of vulnerability.

By asking for help you gain the chance to team up and be in relationship with others. Looking for help and advice offers somebody the chance to share their gifts with you. While not every person can say “yes,” individuals with wisdom to offer, usually feel good about the request you put forward because it implies you appreciate what they have to offer enough to ask.

You gain the chance to learn. They gain the chance to give. Focus on who is happy to help, and what they are eager to do for you. While you are receiving the help be sure to take notes so you don’t need to ask for the same help twice; that would show a lack of respect for the gift of the help being offered.

Accept that you will get the help you look for. Keep in mind that as we travel through life, and as our objectives advance, the individuals that we need around us will likewise evolve. The individuals you required around you as mentors or coaches 5 years ago, or even a year back, are likely not to be the same of what you need now.

Search out those that have accomplished what you are attempting to do or have tackled the issue you need help with. To get to the next level of your aspirations, you’ll need to ask help from those who have already reach that level.

“Every time you reach your next level of life, you’ll see that it was another step on a very long journey. There is always a next level. The benefit of asking for help, eases the journey.”

Personal accountability is about being responsible for your decisions, actions, attitude, reaction, communication, and relationships. It is rooted in the belief that you are the controller of your life. You own your promises and commitments and the outcomes. Often the word accountability carries a heavy almost dreadful feeling, but it’s really about self-empowerment.

Personal Accountability

It takes courage to hold yourself accountable for every decision, action, attitude and results in your life. Void of ego, it would be an easy thing to accomplish, but we human are often full of pride and arrogance. We all are living with the illusion of self-perfection.

“Accountability isn’t a dirty word; it is about self-empowerment. It’s about being the captain of your life, instead of the passenger at the mercy of others.”

Unfortunately, we don’t naturally want to break that shell. Unless you are willing to come out of the shell of pride and arrogance and start accepting that no one is perfect, it is impossible to hold yourself accountable for anything.

Personal accountability requires that you:

1. Understand that no-one is perfect and all-knowing. There are always many sides of a picture we can’t see.

2. Be willing to say “I don’t know” by suppressing the ego, and arrogance.

3. Admitting when you are wrong is the toughest part, but it is guaranteed not to diminish your value. Rather your importance increases when you admit mistakes and take measures to correct them.

4. Own the commitment and outcomes. When you don’t own it, you start making excuses and blaming others, and that produces negative outcomes.

Team Accountability

Two heads are better than one, therefore one’s lone effort directed towards achieving a goal may not be enough compared to the collective effort of a team. This highlights the importance of teamwork directed towards the achievement of a mutual goal or to accomplish a job in the most efficient and effective manner.

The settings for teams include interdependence and that varies from low to average to high, depending on the collaboration, communication, and interaction level required by each team members.

In an organizational setting, teamwork has proven to be of a huge benefit. It enhances productivity and gets tasks done on time. Collaborating on a certain workplace task creates a drive for learning from each other.

“Being able to openly share ideas and discoveries with your team thrills and enhances the team and individual knowledge. It also fosters better workplace relationships amongst colleagues.”

Organization, industries and companies often solicit the help of coaches and experts who are skilled at creating effective, coherent, and motivated teams in organizational settings of all sizes and caliber.

These individuals are capable of unifying a team and improving their performance so as to increase output. Their lectures and workshops are aimed at making known the importance of teamwork, including how it can be enhanced and nurtured to yield greater effectiveness.

A successful team thrives by helping each other win. Members give each other the gift of proactive reflection. Members openly receive feedback and constructive criticism. Members respect that each person grows at their own pace.

“Teams who help each other win, by nature become accountable to each other.”

Last week I was invited by Consumer Track Inc to speak to the entire company about accountability. The speech and workshop was well received. The focus was on the proper context to hold as individuals around accountability, and ways to practice as a team.

Ways for Teams to Practice Accountability

Commitment

1. When someone asks you to make a commitment — only commit if you can deliver.

2. Never make a commitment without an agreed to timeline expectation — when is it due? Only commit if you can deliver.

3. If you can’t deliver on a commitment after you’ve made it, it is your responsibility to find someone who will back you up and deliver it for you — this is when you need to remember the synergy game.

Ownership

1. If you see something broken — fix it. If fixing it requires more people — organize the effort.

2. If you lack a skill — ask for help.

3. If you see someone struggling — offer help.

4. Be proactive — you are in the people to people business.

5. Take actions to correct a problem, be solution-focused

Authenticity

1. Reflect to people the truth about their performance or level of work

2. If goals change, seek clarity — seeing them through

3. Hold yourself and those around you accountable for delivering results, hitting deadlines, following process, effectively communicating change

4. Model the behaviors you want to see in your team

5. Be present in meetings and ask questions that generate dialogue and inspire critical thinking

Benefits of Practicing Accountability

If you have a habit of questioning yourself about any discrepancy made by you, and you take responsibility for them you will always try to correct things that go wrong, and this gives a direct boost to your performance.

Taking responsibility of any task as a team member doesn’t mean that you do your part and your duty is over, rather there is another step required. A person who takes responsibility in a team, is responsible for the actions of other team members too. You are not just accountable for yourself, rather you have to also hold other team members accountable for the commitments.

By reducing the natural tendency of blaming others, you start taking responsibility of your decisions, actions, responsibilities, and goals, you become the owner of the outcomes in our life instead of a victim. When teams stop the blame game for everything gone wrong, the relationship between team members automatically improve. The focus shifts towards finding solutions, instead of pointing fingers.

“There is no room for self-righteousness on a team. That will only serve to create distance and tension. Accountability is a team sport.”

A person with the brave nature of taking responsibility for his/her actions, especially when things go wrong, and apologizes for the mistakes to teammates, not only gains the respect from others but gives license to others to practice vulnerability.

“Teams you practice vulnerability with each other, operate with high levels of mutual-trust.”

The secret sauce to achieving team synergy and mutual accountability is three-fold and rooted in vulnerability:

1) Proactively give

2) Openly receive

3) Respect the individual’s ability to give and receive

Personal accountability has a crucial role in the performance of a team. In addition, by practicing vulnerability you foster honesty, commitment, compassion, integrity and build good team relations.

This makes for intimacy among teams, enabling them to accomplish anything together and they often do.

Photos and video clip from the Live Richer Speaker Series workshop, “Accountability Is a Team Sport” at ConsumerTrack, Inc. ConsumerTrack  owns and operates GOBankingRates.com, a personal finance website that empowers its readers to Live Richer. 

Whether it is an advanced skill, a new technology, a second language, or new information, learning is the key to growing and understanding the world around us. Someone who abandons learning will get left behind in this day and age where every passing moment offers new awareness.

“Continuous learning is essential for critical thinking, analytical mind development, and overall mental growth. Learning also broadens your vision, and your ability to see situations, problems, and techniques in broader ways.”

Besides having a photographic memory, I’ve adopted a few methodologies that help me retain massive amounts of information readily at my disposal. I am going to share them with you.

Learning is important, and so are the techniques which can help to make it faster and more efficient. The following are a few techniques to help you enhance your learning abilities.

Techniques to Enhance Learning Abilities

Relate to Realities of Your Life

Information that we are unable to relate to, become harder to learn, as compared to things that are more meaningful to us. We have learned thousands of facts and figures in school but can only recall a few of them, because for most of us school wasn’t that fun or interesting.

The only learned things that we remember are those that were meaningful to us and that we have been able to practically adopt in our life. One key to learning fast, instead of cramming information, formulas, jargon, or anything, is to figure out where the things you are learning that can be applied in your everyday life, and or the lives of those you care about.

For me the first secret to learning would be that you have to care about yourself and others enough to turn what you learn into meaningful, practical and useful information.

Learn by Doing

We learn best by doing things, by real practice. Whatever we learn through theory is stored in our memory for a short span of time until we apply it in the form of a task.

For instance, if you are trying to master a new language, talking to the natives would be the best way to learn that new language.

Similarly, listening to hundreds of lectures about Adobe Photoshop would never make you master the software, but spending a few weeks with the software, and going through trial and error will prove to be the best way to learn it.

Remember when you learned to drive a car, or ride a bike? It was only when you got on the bike, or behind the wheel that you actually learned how.

For me the second secret to learning would be that it’s best to dive in and practice what you want to learn.

Share What You Learn

One of the best ways you can learn new skills and retain them, is to share them with others. Much research supports this phenomenon. A particular study was done to test this theory.

Two groups were given a write-up to learn with different perspectives: one was expected to take a test and the other group was expected to teach it.

Surprisingly, the group that was supposed to teach it, learned the write-up better. When we learn something with the intention to teach it, we break it into simple and understandable chunks for ourselves. It also forces us to analyze the topic more critically and thoroughly. Furthermore, the need to teach others makes us revisit everything, and the information stores in our minds longer.

This works because of the first secret to learning that I’ve shared with you. You have to care about yourself and others. You won’t be motivated to learn to teach, if you don’t care about teaching people. Teaching requires caring.

One of the reasons I love to speak, and coach, and mentor is that it serves as a reminder to myself.

“When we become busy helping others learn and grow, we help ourselves continue to retain and practice what we’ve learned.”

Take Breaks

Our brains work best when we start something and complete it. This works well in executing tasks, however when it comes to learning we need to tap into diffused and scattered thoughts as well.

For learning, the focused mind, can go through certain facts and figures relating to a problem, while the diffused mental state helps you to see and imagine the bigger picture.

In such a situation, taking a break helps you to knot the dots. Working for 20–40 minutes on a project then resting for 5–10 minutes is the best way to learn. This helps to keep your mind more invigorated and saves you from metal fatigue.

Take Notes

It is considered to be faster and more convenient to take notes on a laptop but using good old fashion pen and paper helps better learn and comprehend. The physical motion of taking notes and seeing them on paper, has an impact on the brain’s ability to increase retention of information. 

Taking notes by hand enables one to identify important concepts. Using gadgets to take notes leads to distractions and mindless transcription.

Mental Spacing

Distributed learning is more productive. To remember material for a long time, it is best to review the information with regular intervals. The brain pays less attention during short intervals, so it is best to have longer intervals, such as few days or a week later.

Reviewing the information with longer intervals transmits string signals to the brain that it has to retain the information.

I never had to study for tests in school, because I used the principle of distributed learning. It not only works, it removes a lot of stress from having to cram lots of data last minute for a test, or a presentation.

Test Yourself

Tests are really effective for learning. It is more effective than re-reading and reviewing the notes. A study reveals that the students who were tested about their learning had better long-term recall of the material, even on information that was not covered by the tests. On the other hand, the students who were given extra time to study but were not tested had significantly lower recall of the materials.

This is my final secret to learning and retaining information. Make it a game. Write questions down as you learn information. Put the questions on post-it notes and post them in various places that you’ll uncover throughout the day. Have fun randomly testing yourself.

“Turn learning into a game filled with lots of little self-tests to retain massive amounts of information.”

Conclusion

All the above-mentioned techniques have a significant impact on learning abilities. Relatable information with practical implementation is the fastest way to store information in the mind.

Furthermore, if you take tests and/or teach others, the retention of what you learn becomes stronger.

Frequent breaks and mental spacing is also important for improving learning abilities.

Whenever you want to learn anything new, just apply the simple techniques discussed to get the best results out of your learning.

In order to achieve your goals and to make your dreams come true, the most vital thing needed is courage. The biggest hurdle preventing you from achieving goals and reaching your desired destination is fear.

Fear can cost you a lot. Fear can impact your self-confidence. It may distract your attention from achieving something worthy. It may even badly affect your health and most probably your wealth too.

Courage is a tool that can help bear greater risks and in return provide significant gains. Courage will help you initiate activities despite of fear, and put you on a path of growth and learning.

Courage = the ability to take more risks = more growth and learning = personal success.

It’s a powerful formula if you know how to leverage fear to your advantage.

Fear Can Be Your Friend

Fear is a feeling, developed because of a chemical reaction. It is often not real but rather fabricated by our imaginations, limited thinking and insecurities.

It depends on us on how we use this chemical reaction, either to our advantage or detriment.

To boost your courage, you can learn to use your fears in a positive way so that it can give you maximum benefits and advantages.

The first belief to break from is that fear is tied to disastrous outcomes. There are some good fears too. Let’s look at an example.

Imagine you have to fulfill a task for a very well trusted client. If the deadline isn’t met, the fear of losing that client will automatically trigger you to remain active and do what it takes to finish the task on time.

Similarly, if you have a presentation the next day, your fear of doing a poor job might help you to invest in more practice. When it comes to fear always try to figure out the intensity and appropriate logical way to solve it efficiently.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone

Going above and beyond your comfort zone, in order to stretch what you are currently capable of doing, is not easy. Fear and anxiety are key symptoms of going outside your comfort zone.

“Nothing truly exciting happens in life, until you go beyond your comfort zone. Want to grow? Learn to love being uncomfortable.”

Once you step out of your comfort zone you develop more courage gradually. Stepping out of your comfort zone will present you with various unexpected situations and scenarios. This is the point where fear kicks in because handling unexpected situations is usually a next level task where a lot of courage is needed to cope with the anxiety of stretching beyond your current capabilities.

Start by taking small steps. Courage cannot be developed overnight. Asking for help is a great way to practice expanding your courage. The short conversations you start having with those willing to help you, can turn over time into longer deep dives with peers, University fellows, friends of friends, and so on.

“The simple act of asking for help expands your courage and helps you stretch beyond your comfort zone in a healthy and safe way.”

Knowing your limits and behaving accordingly will also help in developing your courage. It’s not always unexpected and strange things that require us to face them courageously, but rather courage is also demanded to let things be that are not within your control. Letting things unfold naturally and patiently will also boost your courage.

Accept Your Imperfections

No human is perfect in this world. Making mistakes is a part of life. Be bold enough to accept your mistakes and never ever hesitate to apologize for your actions or words which may have hurt someone’s feelings and emotions. 

Relationships also play a key role in boosting your courage, and the best relationships are based on mutual authenticity and vulnerability. The more real you are with someone, the more courage you develop to speak your truth.

Be Mindful

Some people are naturally mindful as if they have inherited the trait genetically, while other people learn through practice and hard work.

Mindfulness means having a full mind actively present. If you are not a mindful type person, don’t worry.

Meditation will help you in learning how to be mindful. Find a quiet and peaceful place free of distractions. Sit there for almost 20 minutes and focus on your ‘in’ and ‘out’ of breathing. Try not to think of anything else in those 20 minutes of meditation. Meditation can be done anywhere but it will be more helpful if done in a quiet place.

Mindfulness and the practice of meditation will help you to overcome your fear very courageously. For example, during medication the emotion of fear can be attributed to just a chemical reaction triggered by a thought, and with more self-awareness you can begin to remove the value given to it.

Meditation is a great way to hack a recurring thought that is triggering fears, that isn’t based on reality, and neutralize it.

Own Your Self-Worth

The most effective way to practice being courageous is learning to say “no” and always give importance to your needs first. Not having a habit of saying “no” will lead you towards a miserable life where making others happy will leave your own happiness behind.

Never underestimate yourself and never ever tolerate negative and toxic people around you. There should be no room in your heart for such people who don’t even think before bashing someone’s confidence and ultimately their courage.

I want to make it clear that there is no magic pill to boost your courage within a day. Hard work, passion and a lot of patience is needed. A lot of practice, meditation and regularly going beyond your comfort zone can get you the desired results.

Once you understand the real meaning of fear and the process of this chemical reaction, you’ll start taking advantage of it knowing that it is not real, but instead, it is self-made and fabricated.

Never let your fears hold the steering wheel that will deviate you from your path towards courage. Stay confident and motivated, believe in yourself and don’t forget to ask for help.

Some experts believe that artificial intelligence may at one point replace humans in the workplace.

Why? Simple!

Machines are more effective than humans, they aren’t distracted, they obey instructions, they don’t have egos, feelings, opinions, or emotions and are always focused compared to humans. As a matter of fact, according to robotics, there exists a huge tendency that artificial intelligence will surpass humans in various mental tasks.

Lucky for you, employers aren’t thinking of replacing you with robots, at least, for the time being.

Nowadays many employers don’t get thrilled by the certificates you have, and they don’t care if you attended the best college in the world. One thing most employers consider in candidates as an essential skill in today’s dynamic workplace, is emotional intelligence. Employers are looking for soft skills like integrity, empathy, and the ability to work well with others. Individuals who have these traits also make great leaders!

Emotionally Intelligent Leadership Traits

The topic of emotional intelligence (EQ) has become one of the most important discussion points when it comes to leadership. Emotional intelligence is a trait that can be measured and developed. Everyone is constantly talking about it, but what exactly is this emotional intelligence? How does it affect the idea of leadership as we all know it? And most importantly, how do you know if you have the traits of an emotionally intelligent leader?

Emotional intelligence or EQ (emotional quotient), is the ability to know, handle, and fully understand your emotions, including that of other individuals around you.

Leaders with a high EQ are aware of how their emotions, positive or negative, affect other individuals. Below are few traits of emotionally intelligent leaders. These are not all the traits of an emotionally intelligent leader but represent the basic must have. Focusing on developing these is a sure way to expand your own emotional intelligence.

High Self-Awareness

High self-awareness is regarded as a starting point for emotional intelligence. It describes how well you understand your weaknesses and strength and how you relate with others. Emotionally intelligent leaders are able to sense how other people react to their leadership; they do this by paying attention to nonverbal signs. How others react serves as a mirror to emotionally intelligent leaders. The traits others have that trigger an emotional response are also mirrors to a highly self-aware leader.

“An emotionally intelligent leader replaces judgmental tendency with self-accountability for feelings and emotions.”

These individuals monitor feedback from others so as to assess their best attributes as a leader, as well as their blind spots.

Empathy Towards Employees

According to American psychologist Daniel Goleman, who assisted in popularizing the emotional intelligence idea, empathy is an important quality of emotional intelligence. An emotionally intelligent leader uses empathy to understand positions, situations, and the feelings of other people. This particular quality increases as you develop more self-awareness.

Emotionally intelligent leaders are keen on monitoring employees’ concerns, and well-being. The benefit of empathy is that when employees feel that you care about their feelings and professional challenges, they tend to respect you more and put more effort into what they do.

Self-Control

An emotionally intelligent leader is able to redirect unpleasant emotions and impulses and not make conclusions without proper investigation. When a team messes up a delivery, an emotionally intelligent leader doesn’t get mad and point fingers. Such a leader will step back and properly evaluate the cause of the result, explain to his/her team the consequences to the company, and searches for solutions with them.

This leadership quality also fosters more calculated risk taking, and an environment focused on growing and learning. On the other hand, a leader who isn’t emotionally intelligent will vent their frustration on the team without properly evaluating what happened.

Transparency

When difficult times arise, emotionally intelligent leaders don’t cower behind closed doors. They are always out in the trenches with people, making plans, addressing concerns and questions, and easing fears.

Employees depend on such individuals for information, distinct expectations, and solutions when certain issues arise. This is the reason why visible and accessible leaders will monitor their team’s needs, and personally give answers to questions that build trust and a good working environment.

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence, in the context of EQ, means knowing your own emotions, weaknesses, and strength. It’s about knowing the values that propel you as a person. Emotionally intelligent leaders are always realistic when assessing themselves, and always accept helpful criticism. They are fully aware of the situations that makes them react unruly and will make necessary plans to adapt to a challenging scenario.

Organizations headed by emotionally intelligent leaders’ often report significant increase in productivity and growth; self-confidence spreads across the organization.

Traits of Low EQ

Holding a leadership position is not as easy as it seems. Leaders are often held responsible for the fate of several people and this could take a huge toll on them.

Leaders who exhibit low emotional intelligence tend to fall apart and lose their cool when stressful situations arise because they don’t know how to properly handle their emotions.

Such a person doesn’t hesitate before hurling verbal attacks on other people. They get angry easily at the slightest provocation. This can lead to a stressful environment where workers are always conscious of their every action, as they try to prevent an outburst.

“Organizations whose leadership lacks emotional intelligence, feel like they are walking on egg-shells all the time. This causes good people to burn out and leave.”

An environment lacking good emotionally intelligent leadership will suffer in productivity and team cohesion because it deprives employees of the focus needed to be productive.

A leader who isn’t emotionally intelligent finds it hard to resolve situations and deal with conflict effectively due to lack of knowledge about other people’s emotions. Such a leader will find it hard to acknowledge conflict, let alone make moves to resolve them.

Emotional intelligence is not only significant to your well-being, it is also important to your pursuit of success in the workplace.

The Highest Expression of EQ at Work

The value of helping people to develop emotional intelligence to an organization is well established today. Being able to create an environment where people feel safe, supported, valued, and understood is only the entry point of EQ at work.

Ultimately as a leader becomes more self-aware, more empathetic, has more self-control, embraces transparency and exudes self-confidence, such a leader realizes that their role isn’t to inspire, or lead for that matter.

The ultimate expression of emotionally intelligent leadership is to free people to self-lead. What we really want is self-realization. The role of EQ at work can enable an environment where people are free to be themselves. People are co-managing the business. People act and perform as co-owners.

EQ isn’t just about being in full control of emotions, it is about freedom. The more an organization invests in expanding EQ among people, the more freedom those people will desire, and it must be given to them.

Many organizations are investing in EQ under a command and control paradigm with bosses, and rules and expectations established from the top-down. You can’t fully experience an emotionally intelligent organization with those kinds of top-down controls.

“The ultimate expression of freedom and EQ is where people begin to not only experience equivalency, but the structure of the organization changes towards a shared authority model.” 

This isn’t just a novel idea whose time has come; it turns out companies operating this way today are outperforming the S&P 500 by a factor of 7X. It’s good for people, it’s good for profits. It’s time!

Is your organization ready?

Everyone at one point in their life, experiences trauma. There is no escaping trauma; sadly, it’s like a phase of life we all have to pass through. As humans living in a world where trauma is seen as some defect or something dark and ugly to be kept hidden, it’s best we build the proper individual awareness of this psychological wound and strive to ensure that we get control of it, so that it doesn’t eventually get the better of us.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), based on research carried out in 26 different countries, at least a third of more than the 125,000 people surveyed in those countries had at one point in their lives experienced trauma.

If WHO was to broaden their survey and consider other countries, I’m sure that they would discover an overwhelming number of individuals who have been traumatized.

Because of the stigma placed on psychological ailments such as depression and trauma, you tend to discover that most traumatized Individuals fail to open up to their ordeal for fear of being shamed. Social media is one of the prominent mediums used in carrying out this act.

Trauma can plunge its roots deep in various areas of our lives; be it our relationships, marital life, academics, career, you name it — trauma does not discriminate.

“Trauma manifests itself everywhere”, was a statement made by my long-time friend, Keith Fiveson, Founder of The Work Mindfulness Project who joined me on my Rant & Grow podcast which you’ll find at the end of this blog.

Looking at that short quote in a scrutinizing way, you’ll have a very difficult time disputing that statement; it’s a known fact!

To be more specific, let’s take a look at various ways in which trauma impacts our lives, specifically our relationships and careers.

When a traumatic incident occurs, the outcome can lead to the development of several symptoms that weakens a person’s ability to function. These obnoxious symptoms go beyond the traumatized individual. They can easily affect relationships, intimate or otherwise.

Trauma can affect close relationships in several ways, and this could start from just one experience. For instance, visualize the scenario of a particular kid who was called up for an audition. Imagine how happy and energetic this kid would be getting on the podium. 

Now think of how disgruntled he/she feels when the front seat (where mom is supposed to be seated) is empty, and she can’t be found even after she promised to be in attendance. That very scene can kick start a traumatic cycle in the life of such a kid.

The manifestation of such trauma can eventually be based on finding it hard to trust people who claim to love you, which would affect relationships with friends, family, work peers, and love interests because an attachment was severed. The child may have created a belief in that moment that if mom could disappoint, then people who claim to love me will eventually hurt me too.

Presenting myself as an example, a traumatic moment of my life as a toddler impacted me as an adult. This traumatic experience affected my relationship with women. How did it happen? It happened when I was just two years old.

My mom and dad got into a quarrel which had nothing to do with me. While the dispute was on, my mom got angry and broke my favorite sippy cup. The incident was devastating to me and therefore I created this belief that people who love me will eventually harm me.

Especially when it came to women. The event, unknown to me, affected my relationships with women and my ability to be intimate with people. It was not until my wife Colleen, to my surprise, told me that I had an anger issue; this prompted me to take responsibility for manifesting a repetitive pattern in my life and I decided to do something about it.

I went on a journey with a shaman where the secret was unraveled. Reminiscing what happen when I was a toddler, now as a grown and mature man, I understood that a minute of anger wasn’t enough to conclude that my mom didn’t love me. She is human; she is very liable to anger. And as humans, we tend to react impulsively when angry. I forgave her and let the incident pass and most importantly, I healed.

Childhood experience plays a huge role in our emotional development. Our parents, who are regarded as our main attachment figures, are quite important to how we see the world because they determine what the world would look like for us.

Is it a safe environment to thrive in and take emotional risks? Is everyone out to hurt us and thus untrustworthy? Can we depend on significant individuals in our lives to help us in periods of emotional needs?

Trauma can also be viewed as long-term exposure to a particular stressful happening. This would encompass children brought up in certain abusive households. Lacking the secured net of a safe attachment relationship, these children mature to be adults who contend with feelings of low self-esteem and struggles with emotions. These children are also prone to developing anxiety and depression.

Trauma can also thrust its roots in our careers. Individuals who find it hard to accept certain career setbacks tend to get traumatized easily. For such individuals, a simple disappointment at work like missing a much-desired promotion or being treated unfairly could reanimate early trauma, causing such an individual with traumatic feelings to eventually ruin their career by running from one job to the next, to the next, if they don’t snap out of it.

Employees with such characteristics often try as much as possible to prevent intimate relationships at work simply because such relationships stir up strong feelings which result in certain traumatic memories. As a result, they don’t trust others, and can’t be trusted themselves because they are guarded with fear.

As humans we all respond to trauma in diverse ways, experiencing an extensive array of emotional and physical reactions. There exists no appropriate or wrong way to feel, think, or react, so you shouldn’t judge your reactions or those of other individuals. Your response is normal reactions to weird happenings.

You can identify trauma through these symptoms, which are: emotional and psychological, and the physical symptoms.

Emotional and Psychological Symptoms of Trauma

· Acrid fear and anxiety

· The feeling of sadness and hopelessness

· Feeling insensible and disconnected

· Low self-worth, shame, and guilt

· Bipolar disorders, anger, irritability

· Solitude

Physical Symptoms

· Agitation and nervousness

· Difficulty focusing

· Nightmares and insomnia

· Pains and aches

· Muscle strain

· Racing heartbeat

Healing from Trauma

The symptoms of trauma usually last from some days to a few months, slowly disintegrating as you come to terms with the traumatic event. But even when you feel you have conquered the trauma, you may be agitated frequently by painful emotions or even memories, especially in reaction to events that remind you of the trauma.

If you observe that your trauma symptoms aren’t showing any indication of reducing, and you find out that it gets hard to forget the traumatic event, then you may have PTSD ( post-traumatic stress disorder).

While emotional trauma is a typical reaction to certain unpleasant phenomenon, it becomes PTSD when you observe that you are stuck in a traumatic limbo.

Irrespective of the type of trauma you are experiencing, you can eventually heal from it and continue with your normal life.

First, you have to acknowledge that you are traumatized after which you seek for ways to end the trauma. You can do this by:

· Self-regulating your nervous system

· Asking for advice and support when required

· Performing exercises

· Not dwelling too much on the traumatic experience

· Ensuring you take care of your health

· Seek professional assistance if out of control

· Forget the past and focus on what lies ahead

Talking through trauma is a significant part of healing. As humans, most of us hate the idea of opening up to our traumatic experience. Discussing a painful experience can feel shameful; it could also expose our vulnerabilities and leave us prone to emotional blackmailers.

We think by having a dialogue about our trauma, we’ll break down more and never find our bearings. We feel we are the only ones to go through anything like it, and there’ll be no one who’d understand how we think. But we are wrong.

Sincerely, there is nothing weird or bad about experiencing trauma. Like I stated at the beginning of this post, as humans, we are all bound to experience trauma at a certain phase in our lives.

It’s how you deal with it that matters. And opening up to your trauma is the first step to finding your bearings. The fear of being vulnerable shouldn’t deter you from taking that important step to getting your life back on track. Nothing in this world is worth sacrificing your well-being. You should continuously tell yourself that. If possible, make it a mantra.

Don’t be ashamed of approaching a trusted person and discussing your ordeal with them. A problem shared is half solved. By talking to someone about your trauma, you’ll feel relieved and light-hearted.

Remember, you aren’t the only traumatized individual roaming the earth, and you certainly wouldn’t be the last. Whatever has a beginning must have an end.

Trauma isn’t everlasting. The first step to defeating trauma is by talking to someone about it. To do so, you have to ignore the thoughts of being shamed or vulnerable; and strive towards healing.

Growing evidence suggests mindfulness as another important strategy for individuals bidding to recover from trauma. And it only makes sense since mindful thinking allows us to visualize our thoughts and understand that what we feel or think about a particular situation, may not necessarily be true. At its core, mindfulness helps us to take control of our thoughts and not be drowned by the negative experiences we might have been through in the past.

Depending on the scale of traumatic stress and individual ability to manage the condition, the recovery process can take anywhere from a few weeks to months.

Yet it can take some years to fully reclaim their inner calm and become psychologically whole, following a traumatic past. This is especially true for individuals who have experienced complex trauma.

Don’t worry how long the duration will be to recover. Taking the first bold step is what matters. In addition to seeking professional help, certain self-driven practices can help, meditation is one of those. Establishing a healthy sleep routine is also recommended.

According to research, auricular acupuncture is another trusty way to expedite healing from trauma, especially for individuals who have turned to drugs and alcohol in their bid to temporarily ward off negative thoughts and emotions. The procedure also enhances sleep and promotes clearer thought patterns among individuals who consistently receive it.

By accepting the need to tackle trauma, seeking professional help as soon as possible and surrounding yourself with a reliable support network as well as driving recovery with healthy lifestyle choices, your road to complete recovery from trauma may well and truly be underway.

In my season finale of Rant & Grow, I invited my friend Keith Fiveson, Founder of The Work Mindfulness Project, an expert in mindfulness, to discuss the topic of trauma. We also discussed how as a society the USA has suffered from trauma. We haven’t fully healed from the wrongs we did to an entire race for example. As a body of people, as a society we need to heal and openly talk about these things.

Admirable work in this direction, include Chelsea Handler in her recent Netflix documentary “Hello Privilege. It’s Me, Chelsea.” She is bringing awareness to a traumatic situation in the fabric of our culture, the body of our nation, that needs to be healed.

We have to have the courage to open up about our personal traumas and seek to heal as individuals, and also as a society. The quality of our future depends on it.

Check out the Rant & Grow season finale with Keith. Maybe you’ll discover some wisdom for your own life. You can listen to the podcast right here.